Lauren Mulford is a Masters of Arts in Theological Studies student at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, and the Postgraduate Studies Administrator with the KLC. She lives in Michigan with her husband and eight children.
The crafting of hearts and souls is the primary function of any Christian. Often called discipleship, we see it in Christ’s departing words in Matthew 28:19–20 to go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to do all that Christ commands. And what is that command? In Christ’s own words, “All the Law and the Prophets hang on … ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself’” (Matt 22:37–39 NIV).
My primary craft then is to disciple my children as there is no neighbour as close as them and therefore no greater calling than to craft their hearts for God. Cultivating a heart for Christ is a craft of divine calling and spiritual necessity. If a mother isn’t setting herself to show love and respect to God by and through her love and respect for her children, then she is leaving that to some other source. Every individual will be discipled. By what and for what is initiated by one’s parents.
It is with great love and respect for God then that I share my life with my children. I want to leave them with great memories of their childhood. I heard once that for every negative remark a child hears, it takes ten positive remarks to undo that damage. (Quite possibly someone made this up, but it feels right.) The first way I demonstrate my love and respect for my children is by being quick to forgive and quick to apologize. Too often parents don’t respect their children enough to give an apology when the Bible speaks of loving each other and outdoing one another in honour (Rom 12:10).
Another way that I try to reiterate this love for my children is not catechism-specific. Rather, by making my presence enjoyable to my children, my hope is that they will easily find God’s presence enjoyable. If they can ask me anything, then hopefully they will be able to ask God their Father for anything. If they receive love and affirmation rather than cynicism and sarcasm from me, then hopefully one day they will see that as a reflection of the Father and know that he will not try to twist their requests or neglect their needs. When I enjoy the presence of God and share that presence with my children, they will naturally find God’s presence enjoyable. My hope is that they will see the Fatherness of God as something to be enjoyed and desired rather than to be avoided.
To craft my children’s hearts, I try to connect their creativity to camaraderie and a strong familial base. I want my children to want to do things with the family, not to regard always doing everything as a family as a forced chore. I’m not trying to ensure they “stay in line” but rather that they are enjoying life responsibly and, while they’re young, in the safety of their family. I do that by trying to make their home life more amazing than the life they find in the world. The only way I know how to do that is by anchoring our relationship in loving God and loving the neighbour.
Crafting children’s hearts doesn’t need to look super-spiritual. With my children, we enjoy going to garage sales. We find some old piece of junk, take it home, clean it and remake it. Think of the possibilities of conversation in taking someone’s leftovers and redeeming them. Other fun activities we do include painting pages of old novels with watercolours. We collect stickers with cool designs and pithy statements. We read Calvin & Hobbes comics together. We watch Disney’s Frozen by request of my one-year-old every day while the rest of us complain about the plot holes, but then we all sing every song (even my oldest) at the top of our lungs. We watch the wildlife around our yard and marvel at its quirkiness and resourcefulness. I give spontaneous compliments and make sure that I specifically seek out a child just to tell them something neat randomly, instead of only when I need them to do something.
By sharing my hobbies with my children, I open my life to them and they start to see my heart. My heart is for them out of an overflow of my heart for God. I let them walk in on my business meetings and overhear my discussions. I answer their philosophical questions (although I do wish they’d start asking them before 9pm). We play Mario Party and let the little ones team up with the older ones. We go for walks and discuss everything that enters their minds. When I seek out a space and time to be by myself and they seek me out, I welcome their presence (but I do wish they’d wait until after I have left the bathroom). My children walk into my library and see that I value books and knowledge, which has taught them to value books and knowledge. When I don’t do this perfectly, which is daily, I correct myself in front of them and seek their forgiveness. I reiterate that, as a poster we made and placed at the top of the stairs states: “You are loved! You have value! The world is better because you were born. Our family is better with you in it.”
I create home videos that highlight each child as well as us as a family. When they see themselves being praised for being themselves, and when I edit the videos to show their best side, they realize their value. When the family comes together and asks to watch the video with a specific child, they share in each other’s successes. We often sit around and speak praises for each person. I’ll say to one child, “What is something you love about your brother?” And we go through each child, each taking a turn to say what they love about the others. By sharing my life with my children, and by having them share their lives with each other, their hearts are being crafted to reflect God even in a fundamental way that transcends being able to answer catechism questions or Bible trivia (which we still do but usually they quiz me!). They are learning to love by learning that they are loved.
In essence, crafting hearts for God means giving him our hearts, not just our superficial obedience or apparent acquiescence. If any craft is to be of lasting importance there must be at its core a heart for Christ.
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